“Sorry, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? I have to catch the 4:23 train.” A man asks a farmer near a field.
The farmer says, “Sure, go ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
Mother: “How was school today, Jorge?
Jorge: “Great mom! Today we made explosives!”
Mother: “Wow, they are doing very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do tomorrow at school?”
Jorge: “What school?”
Wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
Husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
A man to a Waiter: Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
Waiter: And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?.
Wife: baby, I saw in dreams that you were buying a diamond ring for me.
Husband: I saw your father paying for that.